Five Changes I Had To Make For My Own Good.
We’ve all had to make changes. Making changes is all part of life. Some hard, some easy, some turn out to make things worse whilst others turn out to be for the better.
It is all trial and error. Here are just five changes I had to make for my own good.
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Stop Lending Money.
Oh GOSH listen, this is serious talk now because this can save you from losing friendships, family members and yourself (and maybe even more).
I use to have the understanding that friends get along because they have the same morals and principles and the same with family – this is wrong.
In the last 5 years, I have lost 3 good (some would beg to differ) friendships, why? Over money.
Now it’s not so much the money but the lack of respect and love shown.
Making an agreement to pay someone back when they have helped you during one of your hardest times is something that should be stuck to. Unfortunately not everyone feels this way.
Although I have written the money off, the hurt of the treatment and the loss of friendship was difficult to handle and so for this reason I promised myself I would never put myself through that again.
If I can’t afford to give it to them then sadly I say “No.”
Say No Sometimes.
This one leads perfectly from the first… you… we all need to know that it is okay to say “No.”
Now before I get a whole loads of crap in the comments, I am not saying that you have to say “No” nor am I saying that you should always say “No” without any consideration.
All I am saying is maybe you should ask yourself:
Am I saying yes just to be a people pleaser?
Will saying yes cause distress – mentally, emotionally &/or physically, hardship, moral discomfort etc?
Is saying yes helping the asker or facilitating them?
Can you accept the consequences if any in not saying “No”?
I will leave it there.
Ignore Bad Minded People.
Now for whatever reason (this is not the blog post for delving into the reasons) there are some people who for whatever reason make the decision to slander others, whether true or not it’s not an nice activity.
Look, the truth of the matter is you can’t stop these bad minded people nor who listens and repeats.
For your own good you have to accept that you have no control over this BUT you do have the control over how you let it affect you.
My advice is ignore them, I don’t even confront these types of people anymore – Just carry on being you.
And a message to those who listen and repeat – The chances are they are doing the same to you behind your back.
Be Kind.
Mind Your Own Business.
We hear this in a negative way often but read it again from a different angle “Mind your own business.”
I spent so much time trying to help everyone else with their dream, their business, their family, their relationship that it was mega hurtful when it came to my dream, business, health and I did not get the same love.
I am not saying be a bad minded person but I am saying ‘mind your own business’.
Learn To Let Go.
Of course the more I invested in the relationship the more I didn’t want to let go. Why?
Well, like most people I didn’t like feeling like a failure, I didn’t want to lose what I had already put in i.e.. Love, time, energy, money blah blah blah.
When I finally admitted defeat and looked at what I could of prevented if I had let go when I had the first thought to, I learned a huge lesson. A HUGE lesson.
The Conclusion.
These changes have been bitter/sweet for me because naturally I like to help other and I find it difficult not to help where I can but these traits were being played on by some.
When I used to feel let-down, used and lied to I use to take it so badly, I mean really bad and I could not understand how or why others could treat me in a way that I would never them.
Making these changes has removed so much stress and negativity in comparison to previous years which is all validation that I need.
Don’t get me wrong, in the early stages I did feel bad.
However when I hear others unhappy by the way they are being treated I know I made the right changes for the right reasons.
Supportive Alternatives.
I have that helping trait and so I don’t deprive myself of the joys of this and you don’t have to either.
Here are a few ways you can help others without putting yourself in a vulnerable position –
Donate money/clothes to charity.
Send family/friends good morning/night, positive texts.
Volunteer in your local community.
Adopt a pet via subscription.
Give your old books to your local library.
These are just a few ways that you can help others.
13 Comments
Iridescent Places
Lending money is always a very awkward one, I think there has to be a lot of trust to it if you ever do! x
https://www.iridescentplaces.com/
Shell-Shell's🐚tipsandtricks
Ignore Bad Minded People and mind your own business! Yes! thanks so much for this post.
Molly @ Transatlantic Notes
Life lessons can be difficult to accept sometimes. We often think the changes we need are not in our own control but ultimately; they are. Setting any kind of boundaries like this are so important to living with more contentment and I know I have some work to do to look out for my own good too. Saying no is a hard on for me so I appreciate you including it!
Jodie | That Happy Reader
I love the positivity in this post and your life lessons learned. Sometimes just reading ( or hearing) someone else saying these things give us permission to feel the same way, so thank you for sharing.
Caroline
Loved reading this post! Super important to do things for yourself – amazing job xx
Simona ~ The Grumpy Olive
What a great post right here! I really need to work on some of these points myself, especially the saying no!
Ruth| Ruthiee loves Glamour
I love this post tbh. I still lend people money but I only lend money I can afford to lose lol. And I don’t borrow friends money because 80% of the time, they never return it. Another one I love from this post is to ignore bad minded people. They really are not worth your attention.
Basic with Life
Thank you for reading my work, I also had/have an issue but I’m improving and honestly, it has removed so much stress, hurt and future/potential problems. x
Eri Tz
The changes you suggest seem really helpful. I have an issue with letting go of things. It seems that I tend to reach my limits to realize that I really need to let go of something. I think it shouldn’t be this way. Thank you for sharing 🙂
Basic with Life
Yes saying no and letting go were big ones I had to work on. Thank you for your comments.
Basic with Life
It’s sad but true. Thank you for commenting.
JamieAdStories
I totally get this. Lending money is something that puts you in difficulties and I have lost friendships for doing that and saying No. great points!
ReadAndReviewIt
I’m so glad you were able to make these changes! I really need to work on saying no and letting go of things too, so this has given me the push I needed! Thanks for sharing.